Cryin' for the Dyin’s blog

For those of you who have gone beyond face value in thought, to speech, to express feeling, in an attempt to act rather than react, which I find is a point of personal preference as far as labeling will not go.   'Recognition is not admitting anything but good observation'. 

I was typing something that crossed my path a couple of weeks ago.  A friend of mine picked it up and noticed 'trapesty', he immediately said, don't you mean 'travesty'.  I said not I meant what I said.  He said, that it, (trapesty), was not a word.  I commented that it should be.  In looking at it I believe it implies what travesty is but with the essence of being stuck in a rut, the mud or up someones delusion or whatever.  If it is not their own they are certainly being manipulated if not trapped.  And so it goes.  Travesty is a good word.  It could describe almost any action.  Putting on socks.  Climbing a high mountain.  Climbing a high mountain without socks.  Staying in bed and not even considering the mountain.  Mounting a horse and wishing one had a mule halfway up a high mountain.  Lying about the whole damn thing.  Essence of the word. 

I fear for the delivery of words.  Sans an expert in delivery, how are we to know?  Saying with a typemachine was instead of saw.  This could go into the whole psychological thing of Freud-when he said-everyone in a dream is the dreamer.  I ask, 'when do we wake up?' -Further if that is the case-how do we know--Pinch me--but not too hard---I may not be dreaming. 

Then there is the school of thought that makes one qualify the difference between dreaming and awake.  In both, one may, calibrate, calculate, assimilate, masturbate, exhuberate, perpetuate, extrapolate, berate, hate, fate, skate, cumilate, fornicate, deliberate, and after much paperwork, get a rebate.  That may be the way to tell the difference.  In real life one has to go through an indeterminate amount of sales pitches to get the promised rebate.  If that wasn't the case I guess they would hand over the money immediately.  They seem to want to hang on to it for 90 days or longer.  An appreciable percentage of those deserving a rebate, may just give up.  May say apply it to my bill, in the case of upgrades in cell phones:  The 'insurance' is the exact price of the rebate for some cell phones.  Then there is the 'rub your nose in it', get this for thirty dollars and one for your wife, child and five friends.  This for the B. Berry you paid four bills for not six months previous to the sale of a bringdown.  I guess this is perpetrate.  Let the games begin, life is.......Peace Tony   (c.d.p.AC.xpvwpls512091140h) 

Do you remember the things you did when you first started using the Web and how it has changed your life?

Sponsored by Yahoo!

    Times will change so will tools- People will be kind or fools.  The change is, the suductiveness of the motor.  It is yet another way to seperate and 'think about' the 'now' nature of life.  I had to add a discipline to stay balanced.  Peace Tony      

I will never again misspell BUREAUCRAT!  My reasons for this are many.  I will give one. 

Some years back in the midst of investigating a grass roots situation I wanted to contribute something.  I saw the pictures of the children and others in various countries. 

Thinking I could use some information to implement my small contribution to the max I made a call.

I called Amnisty International at the U.N.  It was local time about 0230 so it was three hours later in N.Y.   I got the O.D., who by chance timing was also the head of the Joint Assembly of the U.N.  A man from South America.  We spoke for some length of time.  Almost an hour. 

I was addressing other subjects.  Among them the amount of theft that was taking place in certain drug rehab Methadon programs.  After what I considered to be an enormous amount of wasted energy in the '70's this is not so far out.  Back to the issue I wish to address.

I thought that if I gave thirty dollars or so to a child and it could help I should.  I asked how much of the money actually got to the country where the child lived.  He replied about ten per cent.  I was horrified.  I said, 'are you telling me that out of thirty dollars, three will get to the child'.  He answered, without rancor, 'no I am telling you that three dollars gets to the country of residence'.   I asked, 'How much gets to the child?'. He said that there was no way of telling.  I said, 'so ten cents on the dollar gets to the country, and there is no way to moniter how much the child recieves?'.  He said, sometimes the Red Cross takes a hand, but in a sentient country, there is just no way.  I will never again misspell or mistake the intention of a Bureaucracy.  Not all of them are so 'self absorbed'.  After things I had seen I should not have been so surprised or disappointed.  I was.  I, the friend of the poorer man, was going to do a good deed.  It was squashed before it began.  There are many dedicated people working for agencies that have no idea.  I thought long and hard before posting this.  The children are still in need.  The people who really sacrafice are rarely seen or heard from.  Maybe this is as it should be.  Apparently it is a fact.

As long as the agencies exist the children are not forgotten in the context of how they must live.  They do not have to live they way.  They musn't be forgotten.  They must have a better life. 

As our world appears to grow smaller, with more and more life, let us not become dehumanized by another piece of 'progress'.  The feeling of empathy, the act of charity, can only have positive result.  Maybe not expected result.  But for a child to starve?   For a child to die of a disease long ago under control?  They see the 'improvements' and progress of war machines, construction machines and automobiles, planes and so forth every day.  It is a shame that the exploitation of the most precious resource known has not achieved a higher plane of application.  Why are they not more honest?  Why dont they just say slavery?  Why is the word extort left out of legal applications when it appears to be right there all the time.  No?  What happens if you choose not to believe what you are told?  From the ground up.  I am not saying it is even bad by majority.  I am just saying the rich minority run things. Challenge them and be prepared to make sense of your argument, make them like you or do without them.  They see the same pictures and people you do.  Not as often but make no mistake.  At least when I see those more unfortunate youngsters and adults I know I am not responsible for anything beyond trying to make it better.  We can do that and Quid Pro Quo right on down the line.  I can see this.  Why do the great men, who are so labled not admit to seeing it.?  They do.  They can act beyond recognition, excuses and denial of action for the 'greater good'.  The greater good, I think is health, education and welfare.  An eye for an ever increasing quality of life.  Never a sacrafice that is not done by the one doing the sacraficing.  In short.  Bless us to our selves one and all, that we may bless those encumbered to fall.   Peace Tony 

(c.DuckProd.ACxpvWPl.0312091500hpst)

When there is a moment, after a good meal, I feel grateful.  In a short walk, or the relaxing moments of thought before sleep I wonder at the hungry, the thirsty, the unnecessary destruction that some describe as the 'quality of life'.  I have a different definition than some.  I would drive a VW or a mini Cooper.  I would sell my Rolls Royce if I had one if I could be sure, if I could know, that hungry people, hungry living, ate, were sheltered, tended in sickness, or prevention of sickness.  I believe in my heart most are that way in their hearts.  Where are their hearts when they are making jokes?  I think I can assure you that a mother who has no milk for her infant, the infant screaming in hunger, I think their hearts are trying to keep beating.  Not to love.  They know what they love.  Not to dream.  Their dream is sated hunger.  To survive.  As a thirsty person in the desert, or anywhere there is no water, he can see others drinking, not only water, what they desire, yet he thirsts.  He may die....Would you sell your car?   Would you keep your soul and self respect?....that he may drink.....

I do not believe it is necessary to bring this to light, but I am.  It seems the apparent is not apparent.  But what seems is only diversion from ugly fact.....

As you celebrate....beautifully....with your family....friends and loved ones.....As you forgive transgressions....real and imagined....As you are sated in hunger and satisfied in life....

As you validate in heart and mind your love.....Congratulate yourself.....You have done well.....

In some places....leaders of foresight made this possible.....for you to learn and do....

There are those within a few minutes travel time......If you live in the city.....That are thankful for a warm place to rest.....Possibly to sit......A full stomache.....A bottle of cheap wine.....

In those places.... the pettiness of ownership and greed to excess still finds victims.....To perpetrate......To recieve....A dirty sleeping bag.....A shopping cart.....A suitcase with the last remanants of a different life....Then streets of Marakesh......or Bangladesh......The one rag to hide the body.....Called clothing.....Laughed at by the attacked shopkeeper.....who laughs at the.....stripped of possessions professtional.....Who came back to his homeland to share wealth.....Bringing back pompous.....forgetting the need.....forgetting the word....in the interest of greed....feigned honor...

How could he of such noble ambition and intent.....How could they do this.....How do they not recognize......Have they not seen Dr. of the Russian Czarist and the Bolshvek brother.....Do they not remember Lauras Theme.....How romantic it was.....How did this happen......But that was a book.....So many.....but.....movies will not save me......Only to think.....to divert from this laughing.....my hunger.....my wife.....lain slain in carnal murder......my son to be programmed......my daughter.......aargh

On another block.....a man born the same day......of a friend to his mother......has never eaten a meal he can remember.....that he did not have to go and get....

When the near hysterical in laughter and irony......recovers his profession.....Will he know the man on the next block better.....If so how.....Will he be desperate to answer desperation with pointless revenge......Will he make it better.....Will he try......Or will he marry......escape his 'troubles' to a life of champaign and plastic.....

As I look at the leaded glass and mohogany table......As I look at the perfectly molded figures......The manger scene.....I thank what is.....With grace......I remember......

As this is done and has been done.....It have been said......out of the side of necks of the educated.....Never in direct comment.....except by the admitted thief.....or pirate.....That is like the time that......Unto a long well rehearsed and thus well presented story that is well known.......appreciated by those self hounded to delude....

When one person starves.....when one hungers......when there is thirst or sickness.....each time it is like no other......When there is war......The killed are dead-but not as before--now......The maimed are scarred thus.....Never as before.....now......

For each act of destruction......No matter how accredited.......no matter the papers......It matters only in the time it happens......To those involved.......The damage unforseen is that.....For as it hits the unfortunates......the victims of long forgotten cause......The circumstance is one of pain......

The advantaged in money and health are not to be envied......If their way is one of selfishness......I do not emulate them......If they are obviously hiding from themselves.....They oddly and most frequently disappear......Into a place only they know.......maybe it is good.....it is.....I would lend a light.....if I may....

If you can hear a dying child......He may not know one word.......Yet he speaks eloquently and in truth,.....

And as I celebrate life and good in the holidays......If I have one resolution.......it will be to ask the question in that eloquent cry......You with the papers and pens of long wind and secret bank accounts........WHY?!?!?!  

(cDuckProd.ACxpVWPl.s312091030h)

My Father was born December 2, 1915.  This is a day that I remember him.  Not much different than any other day.  I am going to make sure that the monument is placed properly on the front of his crypt.  It is on the top row, as with his Father.  He was a writer and a composer.  He gave me something, in the life that he sparked.  He said, 'the most important part of writing any story is character developement'.  The clean genius of recognizing fact, and knowing what he could, or would not care to recognize was his gift.  Presentation was his gift.  His eccentricities were his cost.  He left this world that his senses may behold another place on October 11, 2005. (8 Tishri 5766).  When he spoke of my mother he said, 'One of the world's truely beautiful women'.  In this time he is still alive to me.  Alive in my mind.  Always my Father.  Forever a friend.  Peace Tony

Among the many known quotes of Einstein, there is one where he says, Those who are not living for other people are not living.  That is not a direct quote.  I must wonder what a mind that discovered and put out the theory of relativity must have thought of the A-Bomb.  Not Von Braun.  Not Oppenheimer.  The weapon itself.  I realize he must have had the capacity to give reason to madness.  Even today with solar power available we foul the air and oceans.  The other day, while buying gas, I commented on when the big jump in price came about.  I told briefly of the Teamsters' Strike.  I commented that people were killing for money, holding a bill I said 'this, as opposed to life', 'they were killing for this'.  This young woman commented 'they still are'.  I paid for ten gallons of gas.  One gallon price would have bought 15 gallons in a 'gas war', not that long ago.  I went to put the gas in and put it on autofill.  It did not stop at 10 gallons.  I stopped it.  I thought of that.  Went in and told her I had gone over.  She told me she had set it that way.  I do not give one tinkers damn for big oil companies.  My integrity is something else.  Had I been in need, at that moment, I would have accepted without question.  I would not have stolen it.  I would not have robbed to get it.  The pens of bankers are pulling triggers.  They say things decrying and disclaiming this known fact.  There are many things long known.  No matter how many times they are proven in scientific context the adage, 'you aint gonna learn what you dont want to know', holds truer than any fact, in past time.  I suspect as long as humans survive their own nature this may happen.  I know I will never live in hypocracy.  Once a woman long ago said to me,'everything you do, you do like a fiend'.  She was very educated.  As I look to way I've been I am glad I got through that experience.  To do that is to defy the nature of the change that is apparent and constant in life.  It is not following a path but forging one, ususally beyond what is truely there.  The question comes again.  What is created?  What is the capacity to create?  What is it like for you?  Peace Tony  (c.dp.AC301109wpls.xpv1815h) 

What I believe in, what is mine, how to hang on to, self-respect and define..... Once long ago the hour was late.... something happened there...... was it my fate...... gave time in healing.... to apprise... revenge... hate.  A good friend years back...... knew of the plan.....  He saw conspiricy.... indulged greed of man.......  Years of planning mine....., to and for good..... ran to nothing.... my blood on floors wood.....   Left my canine friends with girl of the time,..... four days spent moving her...... her home to define.....I left Demetrius canine friend and Zug who was my old friends friend to the end....... Protect my woman safe...,. sleep.....tired to mend..... Me tired at home I lay on the floor...... knock came and I went to answer the door....He said 'hey its Terry, you remember me?'.....  I said 'what do you want?'....  He said open You'll see.....  He came in and asked whereabouts of a friend.....  I told him my knowledge of friend at an end......  Have not seen him for long time......  I stuck to that song..... he started his plan.... speeded drunk to do wrong......  A soft tap at the window edge of the room.,,,Terry crossed to open the lock deeds of gloom.  A loud noise of clumsy.....should I laugh?..... what to do... an unknown came in to my head gun.32..... though tired I moved to his dilated eyes.... just one more step.... he would recognize..... when a hammer from about eight feet away clicked back..... one more gun...... means what he say..... They shot me in stupid..... beat on me no end......  I would not tell them the whereabouts...... give up my friend......  My friend was my honor..... time in a stich..... he wouldn't do good there.... the Son of a Bitch..... Two hours later emergency room.... who did this? said the doctor...... in your living room......  I would not tell him..... not to decieve........ he said tell me or no more pain I'll relieve......  The deputy sherrifs said 'Oh no' that way......Went to school with one deputy long ago day.....I slept through..... nearly died early next day......  I opened my eyes, intensive care..... many tubes-room bare..... Man not known to me..... Mother was there.......Who did this he asked again and again...... do not know........ couple of strange young men.....I was relaxing...... walking with my feet...... two men jumped from bushes...... ambush on the street...... they said nothing..... nothing to say..... shot me..... hit on the head ran away.  My friend.... his girl arrested..... my home.....  The friend told them who..... where.. the shooters did roam....  Those who shot me....... beat me  just slipped away.....  Another mistake..... just high.... one more day....... went home to find everything I had packed.,,,,,,  Put in my camper,,,,,,,neat.. big gunny sack.  A long acre..... pond..... corral blessed home....It was to some just a coveted dome.....The district attorney..... he said how they did......  I thought I will make sure the earth of them rid..... my world function sublime..... If I meet them God help me.... I'll take their time....  I went to the islands.... Maui for a time....  I had to heal my body- mind from this crime....  A cop named Abru looking,,,,, around what for?.....  Mainland brought that crime back to my door.... You must come at once...... no need to reply..... just take the plane ticket.....come home testify......I ran like a rabbit... I ran like a man....I hid and tried every thing to hide this man can..... An island is a place surrounded by sea....  They kicked in my friends doors....looking for me.....  I waited for it to stop.... so insane.... The damage done,,,,, I finally got on the plane.... The story like others..... did not end there..... People keep thinking and feeling, must share.....when I look around how much did they care?..... They carry guilt useless....wherever they roam.....My closest friends always welcome to my home....  The actions of years to come.....This very poem......The story was just a foreteller for some..... Of violence and honorless..... faithless to come....But from Mother's arms-Till I'm laid in a hole-My shame isn't any-I claim my own soul..... Lessons? Destructive-killing on the brain-The blood wind is nothing-if not that insane-to betray is evil-will mirror your soul-If damage is done-seek your control-The moral?  I wonder, just sat on a log-when needed I missed--honest love of a dog.  (c.DuckProd.ACXPvWPls3011090745h)

Cyber Monday is the new Black Friday. What gadgets and gizmos are you shopping online for today?
Sponsored by LifeScoop: Bringing You Tips for a Connected Lifestyle  .

The soon to be invented, has to be rented, seems it cant be bought, hardly ever sought, but when its needed know what I mean, The Never Lie Integrity Machine, one doesn't have to pay for it, inside most good folks, but it can get lost, in fear lies and bad jokes.  So if you have one keep it.  Best in mirror seen-your personal and good Never Lie Integrity Machine.  If you have never seen one, if it sounds insane, take a deep breath and a chance, speak your heart and brain.  

I do not believe Nostrodamus was a seer.  I think he was a person with a vivid imagination, a sophisticated municipal 'Rasputin' of his day.   I do not think that Oppenheimer was a credit to his profession.  I think he was manipulated by, and manipulated politics, to become a victim, as with so many others.  There was an article in a book called beat beat beat by two existentialists.  Ginsburg was one.  The other I do not recall.  The article was 'Peaceful Uses for the Atom Bomb-or Why I Want To Go To Summer Camp This Winter'.   Einstein turned me into a conceptualist.  The search for truth and the validity of truth will never change.  The times and reasons do.  Thus I listened to the statements Einstein made when he credited imagination over academtia.  I have known very intelligent, genius in fact, people who did not understand that an intellectual road was an interesting, sometimes beneficial way to use time on this earth in the gift of life.  There will never be anything new.  There will be new presentation, in a proper time.  I have seen paranoia, having nothing more than imposed social purpose, send people running for cover and snobbery, or ignorant insult, when they felt threatened in emotional issues.  I learn through experience many times, I am just pointing this out.  In the science of Philosophy I have had cause to go to physics.  Most of it is just mundane platform stuff.  The cutting edge should and is ususally left to those who put their lives into it.  I have seen Phd credentials that are in a field of science so esoteric that it is unknown to other scientists in some cases.  I have seen tragic genius minds afraid.  IE a girl in this area is a fine pianist.  She was practicing.  I had to listen for two or three minutes before I knew it was not a recorded work.  She calls classical music 'excercises'.  She has taken a class in modern music, so she could understand the beginnings and culture of it,   Her boyfriend plays guitar.  If I call an emin a relative-(to G) it implies one thing.  When I am talking to someone who I know, I may say, it is just a sixth.  Almost any melody can be played with three chords.  The passing tones, inversions and application make the melody. My point is I have blues, rock, modern, jazz, Latin and raga type music right now.  Ready to play.  Her musical knowledge almost certainly surpasses mine.  We will teach one another.  If I become a threat to anything in her emotional life, from her boyfriends point of view, not only would he be wrong, in my case as well as hers, we would both lose.  If she took refuge in knowledge and reading heavily and correctly notated orchestra scores, then said we could not work together, that would be a shame.  If I pushed my esoteric rhythms or melodies beyond the feel of her grasping a compostion I may lose her for that song and what we may play.  I see this as a point of integrity.  I see it as a point of trust.  I see diplomacy and purpose politic salving to the soul of most.  I do not see the need to overthink anything in a self-indulgance that may cripple me or those around me.  A ripple effect is unpredictable.  The only thing for certain about it is.....that it is certain if sensed or percieved.  I feel if one does not know themselves there is never any communication.  If one allows their gut feeling to be compromised, expecially by another, for 'the way it looks' they are enslaved.  The science of my philosophy is sound in foundation.  It is sound in premise.  I am suited in psychological, and more deeply, emotional context and experience for this work.  I am going to go for it.  What I write I will live.  I will address the positive.  I will look, without compromise, to the good.  There is enough compromise.  I respect you as I respect myself, without expectation.  It is just a good thing.  Peace Tony   

I was having a conversation.  I asked the guy what he did.  He said software platforms for the Navy.  He had a Masters in Math.  I do not know what kind but he did hint around geometry.  He asked me what I did.  I said write philosophy, prose, play music and try to do a platform for the web.  As the conversation progressed it became clear to me that philosophy was not in his comprehension.  Math is not in mine so fair is fair.  We did speak.  As I said once before on the blog, somewhere, I thought about our conversation, (it had gotten hung up on some minor detail), then I realized he had petty thought me into a 'possible role'.   I went back and opened with, my paper is not anarchistic, (I simply say people in growth may surpass government), it is in fact extremely positive.  I do not know that there will be no government.  I believe there will be a society.  My wife of 25 years reads everything I do.  We get a kick out of prostelyzing the surfeit nature, or so it seems, of people on the blog, in reaction.  In my family, as I suspect in many, men protect woman.  Many times it is hard in giving or recieving to differentiate care from control.  Care is not done with any lack of respect.....It is done, in my case, because it is one of my reasons....The love that cannot be compromised.....Questioned....do not always like.....But always love.  Back to the conversation....The math man was one of challenge......Oh so politely.....Am not trying to offend you but.....After all he was a nice type, I think.  We spoke for hours.  I was saying something to the effect that people will reach their capacity.  Inevitably they may dump conscious thought and react from the gut.  The subconscious remembers everything.  Every word seen.  Every action not reacted to.  I finally got  across that I was talking of growth, in the mode of evolving, that we may be free.  This was a complicated process involving choice.  How was one to know when that choice is truely their own.  I was trying to find if he glimpsed a way to present this complicated process of the mind.....in time and social consequence.....with a graph to the scientific community....He asked me if I was free?....I responded, never had a chance.....I told him I thought it an interesting question.....We went into many subtexts in the course of those hours......On one occassion we came on trust.....I told him I trust no one.....He, mistakenly thinking petty leverage said, not even your wife of 25 years......I said, I trust no one.....he asked if I trusted myself.....I said interesting question......I trust myself for what I know......This does not mean I am going to run off screaming with my hands flying around, in madness.....I gave example in this way.....If I am considerate, I am considerate because that is my wish, that is my person, that is who I am.....Not because of what someone else will think....Thus the difficulty of presenting this type of philosophy.....What people see as obstacles....I see as signposts.....To a clear road.  I see them as inevitable.  I do not see them as functional or necessary after making themselves known.  As I said, elsewhere, I met his Father in Law.  He was a man of 94 years who grew up on a ranch in The north part of S. Dakota.  I asked questions.  He answered honestly.  I found that conversation every bit as interesting, possibly more down to it and honest, as the first.  He, was delighted obviously, that I was interested.  I was delighted to be interested.  It was not work.  It was almost like being there,.,,He was who he was....Imagined threats be damned.....My kind of person, he and his mother and father ran a 6000 acre ranch, with 154 head of cattle, in S. Dakota, alone.  Never saw anyone lie to a cow.  Never saw a cow lie, now that I think of it.  Maybe freedom really is truth without imposition,  Peace Tony (c.Duck Prod.ACXPvWPl,s3011090830h)